Like telling a police officer where he can put that ticket, or telling your university professor what you think of 18th century legal history, there is an inherent satisfaction in saying what you think - even when you know social convention prohibits it. For anyone who has had such taboo thoughts, the resulting adrenaline (as the words sit dangerously close to the tip of the tongue) can be delicious.
The expressions of such powerful scenarios derive their intensity from the same taboo social prescriptions as those fantasies wrought of a more sexual nature. The sight of an attractive police officer, nurse or flight attendant can conjure not only forbidden positions of authority, but also forbidden places for sexual activity.
Everyone’s fantasy sexual experience is different, but if there are any similarities, it is that they lie outside of the usual day-to-day sexual range. They inhabit a world where circumstance and situation often conspire to prohibit satisfaction of our most erotic dreams. For most of us, finding ourselves in favor with the gods of chance should not stop us from realizing our most lascivious imaginings. This is where the delicate art of convincing a lover, or partner, to participate in a romp with a cop, schoolgirl, doctor, nurse, football team or any other such scenario, becomes so important to an exciting and fulfilling sexual life.
With that being said, it is worthwhile to keep in mind that any role-play can possess the potential of eroticism; they do not need to have a power dynamic. Many times the place, position or power (known as the three P’s of erotic fantasy) can all be intertwined with the most emphasis placed on one or more of the three. The most important thing to account for is what does your fantasy consist of, where does it need to occur, and what (if any) props are needed. In many ways the understanding of the individual components of one’s fantasy are as integral to its successful realization as any persuasion or props that may be needed.
The following are some hints on how to get your partner to put on put on that hospital uniform and give you an examination. They are only suggestions and the best advice is always approach your potential participant with honesty and respect. Since you probably know their individual temperament better, do go with instinct. The more you discuss what you want, and get to know what your lover wants, the greater chance you have of a great memorable experience.
Probably the most difficult part of beginning to talk about sexual fantasies with a lover is the exclusion aspect of personal desires. Since fantasies can be intimidating because they require such a high level of trust, so including your partner may be a tricky thing. The key is making them feel part of your imaginings. Start the conversation by discussing each other’s inner most sexual desires and, once comfortable with the topic, start to broach the idea of incorporating them into your sex life.
Keep in mind during this initial stage that the uniqueness of the situation should be reinforced. This is not something that you want to do with any person that you pick up at the bar, but that you feel so comfortable with your lover that this is a way to further your intimacy. By making the situation special you are emphasizing your partner’s importance in the fantasy, helping them feel invested and sexy.
Next, decide on a good time. Timing can ruin even the best ‘laid’ plans. Make sure that you provide enough time for schedules to be cleared and for other commitments to be fulfilled. This means make a stress and worry free space so that you can have your whole mind on the fun, and not stuck thinking of the hard day ahead. Hint: If you work during the week, Friday night is an especially good time because the weekend provides a good buffer.
Especially for the first experimental session, try and tie it into other fun and sexy activities that you tend to do with your partner. Things like dinner, movie, dancing, etc. can serve to link the rest of the evening’s fun with other positive shared experiences. This will make future forays into fantasy sex more accessible.
Ok. So you’ve convinced your sweetheart to put on chaps and spurs, what next? Get the props and space you want to use set up beforehand. Being able to fall into the dream without having to look for the goods, or make the bed, is integral to keeping the mood and authenticity of the situation intact.
Stay in character! This cannot be stressed enough. The most fun is taking the roles seriously and truly making the fantasy come to life. It will also allow whoever is less comfortable to shed the last remaining part of their natural self-consciousness and give into the fantasy.
Laughing at each other, unless it feels safe for everyone and is agreed on earlier, can be a bad idea. People who are already stretching their comfort zones are likely to quickly retreat into self-consciousness. That is not to say "don't have fun". Experts suggest smiles and sexy noises are the best way to indicate how much fun the experience is. Let each other know that this is going well (or badly) through positive feedback, but stay away from outright laughing at first since it is easily misconstrued as mocking.
So, get into it, make it intense and safe, and always agree that it can end the moment someone feels uncomfortable. It is good to know that just because it doesn’t work once, does not mean that you should stop trying. Fantasy is always fun, if done the right way. If at first you don’t succeed try, try again.
In the end, the only truly effective aphrodisiac seems to be that which has been working for humans all along. "Your biggest sex organ is the one between your ears," says sex therapist Dr. Granzig. "What is desire, after all, than the hope that you can fulfill your sexual fantasies. And that's all in your mind."
Nurse/Doctor and Patient
Again here you benefit from advanced preparation. Questions to ask when you’re just flirting and talking (as for singles) at a party might include, “I’m a doctor/nurse, you can reveal anything to me…” or “show me were it hurts…” Alternately, one could ask the nurse/doctor “I think something’s wrong with my (insert body part here) – what does this look like to you?” as they show the body part of choice. Start with a wrist or calf at first, and then ask for more later on. “Doctor, doctor, I think it’s growing, what do you think?” This is a favorite role play because you have the opportunity to use tools (sex toys or actual medical equipment used as a sex toy) and different places. Examples include: the waiting room (think voyeurism and masturbation while the other partner watches as a warm up), the check up area (initial foreplay, great with toys), and the OR (operating room) which is handy for using ‘tools’ (sex toys, improvised or actual) and a dominant role to pleasure your partner. Use different rooms in the house for this.
Cops and Robbers
Imagine a girl dressed in a short skirt cop uniform. Now imagine a guy in a convict outfit. The possibilities here are limitless. The guy asks, “I’ve broken out, what are you going to do with me?” Another more involved role play could be that the ‘robber’ actually steals something belonging to the ‘cop'. This is done in play, because the robber then reveals that they’ve stolen the thing, and the role play can ensue. A bedroom variation of this that emphasizes the dominance-submissiveness roles (but a set of roles that are not best suited to beginners) might be ‘robber and person-in-the-house’.
Vampire and Victim
Another classic costume that may can easily be turned into something sexy. Just make it fun and innocent at first; “What’s your blood type? I only drink type O Negative.” In this case you’ve turned a bloodthirsty hunter into a fussy eater. You could extend the theme (if it suits your personality) to include more personality traits, such as if the vampire is a snobby rich kid, or an ex-Prime Minister of a foreign nation sent into exile out of shame. Make up a story if you can’t think of enough material just with the role itself. The O-negative line could work if you happen to like the music band Type O Negative. Gives you a topic for conversation, and can develop into something like “well let me check…” as you lean in for a sexy little kiss on the neck.
Teacher and Student
For example, a teacher and student role play could mean anything. If you’re dressed as a hunter, you could be teaching the cute tiger girl how to hunt with her paws, showing her how to find the hunters ‘weak spots,’ being a hunter yourself. Think of the role reversal possibilities here – the teacher first teaches the student, then later the student becomes the hunter…
You or they (or both) are in animal costumes. Start the conversation by finding out some details. Find out if your partner likes animals, and what animals they like (probably their costume will give you a clue). Then when the dirty talk starts, play on narrating a nature show. Later, in the bedroom, get your partner strutting around the room by telling her/him “the tiger prowls the forest, searching for her prey…” Run with it. You could actually narrate your partner like a puppet without strings, doing what you want by narrating an animal in a nature show. Who knew David Attenborough could narrate porn!? Follow your instincts, and realize this is a role play combining dominance and submissiveness (like most role play), so learn the rules if you don’t already know them.
Dirty talk and role play can be found for nearly any relationship you can think of, especially when there is a dominant and a submissive role. Think about professional or work roles. Or try sporting events, like as with a coach and player, etc. Find the options and dig into them.
How about TV characters? Famous characters can lead to no end of fun when you know the role of the character in the show.
Anything you can think of you can usually spin to a role you can play. Get creative!
Halloween gives you HUGE opportunities for both dirty talk and role play – take advantage of them! What it is all really about is creating a ‘spark’ between two people, and that’s easier to find if you have something exciting to talk about, like a fantasy. Get into the spirit of it, have some fun, and drop us a line with your stories.
Have a scary amount of fun!!