There's nothing worse than getting dumped! It usually takes you by surprise and generally delivers a crushing blow to the ol' self-esteem. Then comes splitting up your stuff, explaining what happened to your friends, and seeing madly-in-love couples everywhere you go - reminding you all the more that you're all alone. Being ‘broken-up-with’ can make the world seem like a cruel and heartless place, but you need to bounce back before you wind up wearing a uniform of old sweat pants and dirty t-shirts, while drowning your misery in bad movies and greasy takeout on a Friday night. To help you bounce back as quickly and as gracefully as possible, check out these six tips for getting over getting dumped.
You can rely on friends to be there when you need them. Hopefully you didn't burn any bridges while you were dating the ex, but the best way to bounce back from being dumped is to take stock of the people who are still in your life and reach out. Good friends will always give you a shoulder to cry on, buy you beers and help you drown your sorrows, or be a wing-man or wing-woman when you want to go out and meet someone new.
However, a few words of advice:
First, don't push your luck. Your buddies were living their own lives while you were while you were busy hanging out with your ex; just because you have all this extra time to spare doesn't mean they now do, so make sure you don't crowd them or create unrealistic expectations on their attention. It's not their job to be at your beck and call - part of the recovery process is feeling comfortable back on your own again.
Secondly, the world doesn't revolve around your breakup. Good friends will certainly lend you an ear during the early stages of your split, but don't force them to inadvertently have to screen your calls because all you can bring to the table is talk of your misery and hurt pride. Show interest in what's happening in their lives and be happy for their positive experiences - it's a great distraction from what's happening in your own life - and besides, it might inspire some positivity of your own.
No, it's not trying to get with anybody who casts a glance your way; we mean become physically active. The reasons for this are plenty. Some people have a tendency to pack on a few extra pounds when they get too ‘comfortable’ in a relationship, and getting back in shape will tighten that body right back up. It'll also improve your recently trampled self-confidence and flood your body with naturally occurring feel-good hormones to help you establish a healthier, most optimistic frame of mind. Exercise also provides a useful distraction and positive avenue in which to channel your frustrations.
A re-ordering of your nutritional habits should come with the territory. A balanced diet will give you lots of energy to maintain your new active lifestyle, and a conscious effort to eat better will help you avoid gorging on comfort food and take out slop. Healthy eating will also have the added benefit of boosting your post breakup spirits, which is essential for you to regain composure and recover emotionally.
One of the best ways to move forward after being dumped is to acknowledge your emotions and give them the attention they require. To gain closure, it's good for your psyche to reflect upon what's happened. It's much easier to deal with hard feelings as they come, rather than bottling them up - and inadvertently resurfacing - for your next relationship. Just don't let all the mulling over take over your every waking moment. Give yourself a set amount time every day, say 20 minutes to an hour, in which to do it in. Whether you mull it over in your head or get it out on paper, let yourself feel angry and depressed, reminisce about the good old' days, or consider why things didn't work out - this is your set time to do whatever emotional processing is needed to move on, so make the best of it.
Remember all those things you wanted to try that your ex just wasn't into? Now that your former love's out of the picture, you've got a great opportunity embrace new people, places and things. Take up a hobby that you've always wanted to try, embrace a new social circle, join a gym, or get involved in a club. The point is to involve yourself in activities you would enjoy, getting your mind off the past and into the present. Since you don't have anyone to answer to but yourself, exercise your newfound freedom. If you want to sit around in your underwear playing video games all weekend, sure, indulge yourself, but make sure it's balanced with positive, stimulating habits the rest of the time.
When it comes to breakups, a little separation goes a long way. You're not in the frame of mind to have constant reminders of days gone by, and keeping them around is not going to bring your sweetie back. Give back each other's things, eliminate stuff that brings back memories, and reestablish your space so that it revolves around you as an individual. And don't forget to take down that picture of you two that you still keep on the night stand. Remember, you don't have to turf the stuff that reminds you of the past; just stash it away and get it out of sight, out of mind. The psychological purging is a lot harder, requiring daily attention and (often) a swallowing of pride. There's no point in keeping them on a pedestal, stalking them on Facebook, or trying to hack into their email/voice mail. There's no calling them either - and definitely no drunk dialing or texting. This behavior will only keep you stuck in the past and holding onto resentments. Focus on your life instead, Filling your time with activities that might actually make you feel good for a change.
There's times when you fall for a person so hard that you get tunnel vision. All your attention gets focused completely on your new love interest, and you forget to do all the little things you used to do for yourself. And if you've been in a situation where you had to care for someone, it can make it even harder to get back into personal TLC. Well, now that it's over, it's time to put the focus back on yourself, and one of the best ways to reestablish the new you is to get a fresh vibe going, such as treating yourself to a new wardrobe, getting a new hairdo, going on vacation, re-arranging furniture, or buying new bed sheets.
Getting dumped can be a quite a shock to the system, and as easy as it is to wallow in your misery, start taking care of yourself as soon as possible. Try and look for the positive aspects of this new ‘arrangement’ and follow these steps to get you on the road back to self-confidence and recovery. Who knows, maybe you'll like the new you even better than before!